So, in class today we had to, basically, mimic another poem. In a general sense, we were suppose to twist words around into our own and create a new piece that resembled the one given. The one in class was James Tate's, "Consolations After an Affair". Here it is:
Consolations After an Affair - James Tate
My plants are whispering to one another
They are planning a little party
Later on in the week about watering time.
I have quilts on the bed and walls
That think it is still the 19th century.
For them, a wheat field in January
is their mother and enough.
I've discovered that I don't need
A retirement plan, a plan to succeed.
A snow leopard sleeps behind me
Like a slow, warm breeze.
And I can hear the inner birds singing
Alone in this house I love.
Now, here's my remake.
Consolations of a Sleepless Slumber - James Lofland
My parents are conspiring against me
They are cutting me off
When I have tons of bills due later this week.
A computer cord weaves across my floor
As it considers the room its personal playground.
For it, the blazing cold of winter
Is its soothing rest from overworking.
I've discovered that I don't need
A trust fund or to be seen as a charity case.
A newborn canary sings from the trees
Like the melodic sounds of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra
And I can taste the winter frost
As I lay, quietly, awake, in the bed I love.
Mind you, this remake was a first/rough draft done within ten minutes of class. Although it was a quick-writing practice, I found myself realizing more and more that due to recent events I really am on my own. The recent weeks have turned me from a dependent student into an independent adult.
Well, c'est la vie.
James Lofland
"Jimmy Neutron"
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James,
ReplyDeleteI still find it somewhat frightening to be an independent adult, but I'm glad that this exercise brought out more than just words to the page, but as you say, a realization also. On to the poem: I like that you've used the poem's lines to your advantage, to keep it to the theme of work, for school and money and that the computer works, too. I really like the line about the newborn canary. It's surprising, something that we want in our poetry, to be surprised by it as the author, and as the reader. Ideas: Where else can you use lines like that to surprise the reader? If you were the reader, where would you want to be surprised? Ending? Beginning, middle? Also, I like the undercurrent of winter--if you wanted to extend the poem, would this become a larger theme/metaphor? Nice work.